Dating a gay trans guy

Contents:
  1. 5 Trans Men YouTubers Offer Dating Advice They Think All Cis Gay Guys Should Know
  2. The Attraction Between Transmen and Gay Guys -- New York Magazine
  3. Dating While Trans: From Victim to Partner
  4. Transmen and the City
  5. The Body Is Not an Apology

The pivotal moment for me came on our trip to Boston. It is hard to write about, because I do not come off looking good.

5 Trans Men YouTubers Offer Dating Advice They Think All Cis Gay Guys Should Know

Drunk and messed up after giving a triggering reading at an open-mic, I said to my boyfriend, who I love dearly, that I wished he just had a big dick to fuck me, and that it was easy. It was a drunk, misguided attempt at flirtation, believe it or not.


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Nevertheless, I shamed him for his body. But this situation led to many big, difficult discussions and a lot of tears. We came pretty close to the end of what had been a great, loving relationship. I had to get to know him and learn what language made him comfortable.

The Attraction Between Transmen and Gay Guys -- New York Magazine

And so it took holding two seemingly opposing truths in my head at once: I love Joey, and his body, just as he is. And at the same time, his ideal image of his body is more sexually appealing to me. More Radical Reads: But is it really just trans people who deal with this? I just wanted him to be comfortable. Whatever changes he made, I wanted it to be for himself.


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And actually, Joey is attractive to me — in the present tense. And that was why I wanted to date him. It was that simple. And, with few exceptions, I treat him right, too. But this was my first real grown-up relationship.

Dating While Trans: From Victim to Partner

And it matters to me a lot. Sex is hard.

Both of us are also survivors of repeated sexual abuse. We both carry a ton of baggage. We both have extreme body image issues. These issues are the hard part of our relationship as well as the source of its strength. We get each other.

Transmen and the City

We support each other and can talk things through. And I can see how it must have been for those people who dated me. We often have issues.

But all relationships take work. I believe that Joey and I are both becoming stronger versions of ourselves by loving each other. So, for the first time, on this subject, I am not all doom and gloom.


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The best part? He paid me 40 quid for it. While often entertaining, using gay hook-up apps as a trans man can require a lot of energy — and an awareness of the risks. Chasers of trans masc folks tend to be interested in one thing, and one thing only: Very rarely, if ever, does that interest extended to the person attached to it.

Guys like Dan enjoy putting it to good use, while others find it can make them feel pretty dysphoric.

The Body Is Not an Apology

Last month, Grindr launched a new campaign to stamp out the racist, ableist and transphobic toxicity that the gay community has been channelling through the platform since its initial launch. While the app is the same, the community rules have changed. The move has been met with its fair share of scepticism. Aedan Wolton is a director of cliniQ , a sexual health and wellbeing service for trans people and their partners.

Follow him on Twitter: Recognise Me. From dating apps to sex clubs, queer trans masculine people are fighting for visibility in the places traditionally associated with cis gay men. More VICE.