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- Dating With Herpes - gay love | Ask MetaFilter
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It is a manageable virus that is not life-threatening.
I also want to help educate the gay community about HSV. Rightfully so, the gay community predominantly focuses on HIV. I understand, because that is a life-threatening virus. But, in my opinion, there needs to be more education about HSV in the gay community too. Finally, if you have HSV, you are not alone. The more I talk about it, the less shame I feel about it. Can you relate to this interviewee? Have you experienced something similar or do you have some feedback to share with this individual?
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HSV2 4. How long have you had or known you have an STD? Do you know how you contracted this STD? How has your life changed since you contracted an STD?
Newsletters are the new newsletters.
Has having an STD hindered past relationships? Gay women are slightly less likely to become infected than heterosexual women, but for those who do, the impact of the herpes virus is exactly the same. In the past, genital herpes was much more prevalent among gay men than in heterosexuals. That's no longer the case, partly because more heterosexual couples are having oral sex and becoming infected that way.
Being Gay and having Herpes
However, infection through anal sex remains more common among gay men. I remember the feeling that you're having now: I was mortified when I discovered the symptoms, and immediately told the guy I was seeing that I thought I might have HPV, though I assured him that in our fooling around he had not been near them and that he was probably okay. Rather than berate me for potentially putting him at risk, rather than telling all my friends that I was a skank, rather than avoiding me like the Typhoid Mary I presumed myself to be Whether we should continue seeing each other.
I was floored.
Dating With Herpes - gay love | Ask MetaFilter
HPV has changed my sexual practices somewhat, but it hasn't changed the regularity with which I have sex. I have had several boyfriends in the two years since I was diagnosed and treated for HPV. The most common reaction to disclosure is "Oh, doesn't like, everyone have that? But here's the thing: Go get tested. Get diagnosed, if in fact it is herpes.
Get on a treatment. And figure out how you plan to disclose this to future sex partners.
Dating Apps for People with STDs Offer a Safe Space
There are a lot of helpful threads right here on MetaFilter which will assist you in crafting the perfect disclosure. And then get back out there. I promise. Excellent counsel above. As a straight guy who's had herpes for decades, I can confirm it feels terrible for a year or so, you feel dirty and scared and wonder if you'll have sex again and how you'll talk about it etc. It's true you've got to disclose before you get too close, that's just basic ethics--it's the other party's choice whether to proceed, not yours.
But I've never once, not once, had anyone say it's a dealbreaker, and in some cases it brought us even closer together, even before actual sex. I guess that's the power of truth-telling and creating trust. Like any other part of you that you can't change, you manage it. I think you'll find it's not a very big deal in the long run. But I remember how awful it felt at first, and I feel for you.
Your symptoms do not at all indicate herpes from what you say. So you probably don't have it. You say you feel "disgusted with myself and my actions" You did nothing wrong.